As an educator at Yale, I’ve taught countless individuals over the years. One striking observation I’ve made is that while all my students possess exceptional qualities, only a select few go on to lead truly extraordinary lives.
What sets these individuals apart? It’s their unwavering belief in themselves. Remarkably, most of us have the opposite: a toxic relationship with our inner selves, characterized by harsh self-criticism that often borders on self-loathing.
Certain phrases we use repeatedly can signal that our self-criticism is impeding our growth. However, replacing these phrases with more positive expressions and actions can empower us to reach our full potential.
1. Dismantling “I’m Not Good Enough”
This insidious belief runs rampant in our minds like a malfunctioning computer program. Our brains prioritize the negative over the positive, leading us to dwell on a single criticism despite receiving countless compliments.
The belief that we’re not good enough triggers feelings of anxiety and depression. Instead, we should ask ourselves: “What’s best for me right now?” It could involve taking a break, eating a meal, or simply going for a walk to improve our mood. By addressing our needs, we return to situations with renewed strength and optimism. Self-compassion, studies reveal, boosts our energy, sense of vitality, and optimism.
2. “I Will Never Master This. What’s the Point?” Objectively False!
This discouraging thought is not only demotivating but also scientifically incorrect. The human brain is incredibly malleable, capable of adapting and evolving even in old age – a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity.
Career changes at 50 and taking up piano lessons at 80 are within the realm of possibility. With practice and persistence, we can become proficient in almost anything, regardless of our starting point.
Instead of dwelling on doubts, we should say to ourselves: “I need more practice.” Reflecting on our journey in other areas, be it managing meetings or reading books, should provide encouragement. Remember, we all started somewhere!
3. Erasing the Label “I’m a Failure”
Another insidious belief that robs us of our potential involves equating specific failures with our entire identity. Transforming “I failed at X” into “I am a failure” discounts the multifaceted nature of our experiences.
Even if we haven’t achieved our goals in certain areas of life, it doesn’t mean we’ve failed at everything or are destined to repeat those failures. Failures often serve as valuable opportunities for growth and stepping stones toward success.
Instead, we should acknowledge: “I’ve learned a lot.” Our experiences, regardless of their outcomes, have shaped us, made us wiser, and equipped us with valuable lessons.
4. Challenging “I Did Something Stupid” and Redefining “Mistakes”
Being called stupid by another person can be hurtful, but it’s even more damaging when the criticism comes from within. It’s both draining and degrading, leading us to abandon our efforts.
However, the truth is, we are not stupid. The only way to learn and improve, regardless of our initial abilities, is to embrace experimentation and accept mistakes. Research indicates that mistakes help students learn more effectively.
Consider toddlers learning to walk. They fall countless times, yet we never label them as stupid. Instead, we cheer them on, encouraging them to take more wobbly steps until they can walk with confidence.
Likewise, when we make mistakes, we should give ourselves the same grace and encouragement. Everyone makes mistakes, and we are no exception.
5. Embracing “I’m Not as Good as Them” and Celebrating Our Unique Attributes
Comparing ourselves to others is a recipe for disappointment. The reality is, we’re all different, and there will always be someone who excels in areas where we may struggle.
Instead of dwelling on what we lack, let’s focus on the strengths we do possess. We may not be the most eloquent or innovative, but perhaps we’re kind-hearted or have unparalleled spreadsheet skills.
An exercise called “Reflected Best Self” involves asking friends and colleagues what they appreciate most about us. Often, we receive similar, positive feedback that boosts our self-confidence and helps us recognize our value.
In conclusion, it’s not our innate abilities that define our potential but our belief in ourselves. By replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations, we can cultivate a healthy relationship with our inner selves, unlock our potential, and live truly extraordinary lives.
Data sourced from: cnbc.com
